Divorcees frequently describe feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of emotions they feel due to all of the sudden changes they are dealing with. One of the most common emotions is loneliness. This happens even for those who initiated the divorce. This makes a lot of sense. You've been a part of a couple for the last few years and now you're single.
It's really important to learn to accept this loneliness rather than just slap the band-aid of a new relationship over it. Being in a relationship because you choose to be in order to enhance your life rather than fulfill it should be your goal if you hope to remarry well. Today let's take a look at some of the best ways to help you move beyond that loneliness. Doing this well help you feel more in control over the choice to be in a future relationship because you want to be rather than because you don't want to be alone. 1.
Find support One of the best recommendations I can make to people who are newly divorced is to join a divorce group. A great one is DivorceCare. These groups allow you the opportunity to learn that you are not alone and to understand that your feelings are normal. Another good support is your friends. They love you and want to be there for you. Now is NOT the time to withdraw and shut them out.
2. Make new friends who identify you as single, rather than _____'s ex-spouse You want to surround yourself with people who like you for who you are. I'm not suggesting dropping all of your old friends. Just be careful to not discuss your ex with those old friends.
It might be tempting to gossip about him/her and hear how they are doing. The problem with that is that it holds you back. You're still focused on the past - NOT your current life and your future.
3. Plan fun activities when the kids are away Don't sit around in mourning when your children have their parenting time with your ex-spouse. Adjusting to this new time schedule can be difficult.
Try to see things with a more positive perspective. Your kids get to have one on one time with their other parent. You get to have time just for yourself. You don't have to play mommy or daddy during that time.
You get to just be you. So use it well. Pamper yourself. Don't cram all of the week's chores that didn't get done in that time. Yes, there are things that have to get done, but don't just focus on those. 4.
Pursue new hobbies What are those things you've always wished you had time to do? What are those activities you've always thought would be fun to do? How can you begin to budget your time and finances to try some new things? Learning to like who you are is the key; to be comfortable with your new life. Then, and only then are able to find a healthy relationship that's not just a replacement for the spouse you no longer have. That new person becomes a healthy addition rather than a desperate time filler. If your goal is to achieve a remarriage success, then the process begins with you personally, before a new relationship ever occurs.
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